 How do they do it all? How do other moms manage? Why can’t I manage? Why is motherhood so hard for me?
I hear variations of the above questions OFTEN from my clients. What I hear them asking is why am I the only one struggling with motherhood? Why do other moms seem to have it all together? What is WRONG with me? Why can’t I hack it as a mother? Why is my life such a great big mess and that other mom seems to have a perfect life? There’s a belief that other moms must be well-rested, go to the gym regularly, have perfectly behaved children, never feel overwhelmed, stressed, exhausted or at their breaking point. But the truth is ALL mothers struggle, at least some of the time.
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 Photo by William Stitt on Unsplash
Many, many mothers of young children struggle. Are you one of them? Do you feel in your bones how hard it is, but have trouble admitting it, even to yourself? Do you feel like you need to put on a brave face and show the world you have it all together… but underneath the surface there are big feelings simmering that (even you) are barely aware of...  It used to be that everyone decided on their New Year's Resolutions this time of year. Then most people realized that they weren't keeping their resolutions even into February... so now the trend is to set New Year's Intentions.
This is a trend I can get behind and something I've done myself for the last few years. It's not about hitting the gym, or losing weight, or making more money. It's more about your overarching experience of your year to come.  I don’t know about you, but lately I’ve been exhausted. Motherhood is tiring. The holidays are tiring. It’s easy to forget about yourself in the mix, miss out on the joy and magic, and end up completely depleted.
It’s the time of year when nature wants us to curl up inside, in front of a warm and cozy fire, snuggling up with a book and a hot chocolate. Instead, many of us find ourselves in a mad frenzy to create a Christmas that is “perfect” for our families, and sometimes for visiting relatives too. It’s easy to spread yourself too thin and end up exhausted and missing out on the spirit of the season and all the joy that is possible (but it is possible for you too! Read on...)  We’ve all been there as mothers. You desperately, desperately need a break from your kids. Just a little you-time to recharge.
Your mind wanders to a spa weekend away, a romantic dinner out with your partner, even a couple extra hours in the morning to sleep in. A beautiful dream, right? But you recognize that you-time is just not in the cards right now... ☹☹☹☹  Before having children I took pretty good care of my own needs. When I had free time, I more or less did what I wanted, when I wanted to.
When I had my first child, everything changed. Suddenly, his needs came first- which was a bit of a shock! And people stopped asking how I was doing...it became all about my baby.  Do you feel like you’ve lost yourself now that you’re a mom? Have you given up on most of the things you used to do, let go of what you used to love, and have trouble remembering who you used to be?
Really, really common mamas. When your focus shifts to being all about your baby, it’s hard to remember who you were. But it’s still in there, you are still there. You are still you, yet you are transformed.  Anxiety is a really big one for many mothers, especially new moms.
It might feel like a huge weight on your shoulders when you become responsible for a little life for the first time, and the worries and the fears just keep on coming.  Photo by Becca Tapert on Unsplash
Do you feel alone as a mother? Are you desperately wanting to have more connection and support in your life, but not sure how to go about getting it? It’s become the norm that so many moms feel isolated and lonely. This is especially true for new moms on maternity leave who are home alone a lot of the time with their baby. Maybe your husband/partner is supportive. That’s wonderful! But is something still missing? A yearning for a community of women who really understand the beauty and the struggles of what it means to be a mother.  Do you ever feel alone in your struggles as a mom, like you're the only one treading water through the day?
Are you propping your eyes open with toothpicks because you only had a few hours of sleep last night? Quickly whisking your tantruming toddler out of the grocery store before anyone notices? Sometimes just barely holding on to your sanity as you attempt to make a meal with children hanging off of you? Afraid you’re making a total mess of your children? Everyone has it SOOO much more together than you... RIGHT? |
Katherine Aucoin, Motherhood Counsellor
Hi Mamas! My name is Katherine and I'm a motherhood counsellor and a mom to two little boys. I'm here to offer tools, insights and support to help you be the best mom you can be for your children AND yourself. Archives
May 2018
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