Are you a new mom feeling resentment towards your husband/partner for not contributing as much as you'd like?
Maybe he's not rolling up his sleeves and being as involved of a daddy as you'd dreamed of, or maybe he’s spending a lot of time away from the house...
So how can you get him to change more diapers, hold baby more often, spend more time at home with you?
Of course, the reality is that you don’t actually have control over him (or anyone else in your life). He is his own person and has the right to make his own choices.
What you CAN do is speak from your heart, from where you stand without crossing the line over into his world. You can do it with compassion knowing that things are probably tough for him right now too.
Some new daddies are unsure of their role and perhaps their own dad didn't role-model active fatherhood.
And sometimes new dads feel like they're doing it all wrong and don't want to feel judged...
A great first step is to sit down and have a conversation with him and acknowledge that he may be struggling knowing where to fit himself into new family life.
And then, without placing blame on him, speak to him from your heart about what YOU really need. Keep the focus on you and your baby.
What do you really want?
Share what YOU are really yearning for... whatever is underneath your frustration with absent-daddy behaviour.
And then ask him how he feels and what’s been hard for him as a new dad.
Ask him if there’s anything that YOU’RE doing that’s pushing him away from family life. Be open to feedback about your own role in the situation.
And then… all you can do is let go.
Chances are he will want to step up and help you with what you need. It may take time though, it may not always look the way you want it to. It may involve acceptance of family life not looking exactly like it did in your dreams.
Keep the door open to honest, compassionate communication.
Most dads really and truly want to be involved, they just need time and patience to figure out how that’s going to look. ❤
If you are still struggling to manage your 50% of your relationship, I help lots of new moms deal with relationship issues. Check out my counselling services here.
If you are interested in more tips, tools and insights related to new motherhood, sign up for my bi-monthly newsletter here.
Katherine Aucoin, Motherhood Counsellor
Hi Mamas! My name is Katherine and I'm a motherhood counsellor and a mom to two little boys. I'm here to offer tools, insights and support to help you be the best mom you can be for your children AND yourself.