How do they do it all? How do other moms manage? Why can’t I manage? Why is motherhood so hard for me?
I hear variations of the above questions OFTEN from my clients. What I hear them asking is why am I the only one struggling with motherhood? Why do other moms seem to have it all together? What is WRONG with me? Why can’t I hack it as a mother? Why is my life such a great big mess and that other mom seems to have a perfect life?
There’s a belief that other moms must be well-rested, go to the gym regularly, have perfectly behaved children, never feel overwhelmed, stressed, exhausted or at their breaking point.
But the truth is ALL mothers struggle, at least some of the time.
Motherhood is important, challenging, and often thankless. There is SO much pressure to do it right… and in our day and age there is so much disagreement about how to do that and what doing it right even means.
There has never been so much pressure on mothers and (in general) so little support from family and community.
So how do other moms do it? This is how I answer the question...
No one (that I know of) is doing it. Motherhood is hard for us all (it’s sometimes harder than other times, and some moms face bigger struggles than others.)
You are not alone.
It’s often hard for me too! The motherhood counsellor is not immune ;)
And if there’s anyone out there who truly believes they have this motherhood thing totally figured out and they’ve got it all together… well, I would love to hear from you. I would love to know your secrets :)
So why do so many mothers think they’re the only ones that don’t have it figured out? Why are so many moms going around trying to show the world they’ve got it together when underneath… they don’t. And nobody does.
To me it’s really sad...the fact that there’s so much pressure and perfectionism around motherhood. And shame about showing up as real, authentic and messy. That’s the truth about motherhood- it’s messy. And so is being human for that matter.
Wouldn’t it be better if we were all transparent and willing to share our struggles? It would allow us to feel connected and supported by each other and know, deep in our bones, that we are not alone and that other moms struggle too.
Do you catch yourself trying to look like you have it all together as a mom?
Well… here’s a challenge. Stop doing that.
Show up in your real, honest, raw messiness. Take your kids out in public with food on their faces. Invite people over to your messy house. Post about your #motherhoodfail on social media (instead of those perfectly dressed, perfectly cute kid photos!) Don’t be embarrassed when your toddler melts down in public. Talk about how hard it is. Let others see you cry...
Showing up vulnerably is what creates authentic connection with other people. It’s what helps us feel like we belong. It helps us know we’re not alone and not the only one struggling.
When you take off your mask of perfectionism you invite others to do the same. ✨
And then you’ll know you’re not alone, there’s nothing wrong with you, that motherhood is a roller-coaster ride of the amazing, the good, the bad, and the ugly.
And occasionally if you let yourself be seen you might come across some haters. The ones that will judge you and criticize you for being real. But you know the truth, right? It’s not about you. Chances are they are uncomfortable showing up in their own messiness and they’re projecting that on you. Give them your best. Recognize they’re hurting inside. And move on. ❤
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If you're struggling with motherhood and looking for more support, check out my services here. I offer individual and group counselling and online workshops specifically for mothers.
Katherine Aucoin, Motherhood Counsellor
Hi Mamas! My name is Katherine and I'm a motherhood counsellor and a mom to two little boys. I'm here to offer tools, insights and support to help you be the best mom you can be for your children AND yourself.