Motherhood. They say that the days are long but the years are short. And you’re supposed to enjoy every darn moment of it.
But what about when you’re right there, right in the middle of it all? And all you want is a few moments of peace?
Baby is screaming. You barely had 2 hours of sleep last night. You miss the adult world and don’t know how you can handle yet another day of diapers, spit up and melt-downs (baby’s AND yours).
It's so easy to get caught up in the exhaustion, the boredom, the little daily frustrations involved with being a new mom. And then there’s the bigger feelings of overwhelm when you get to the I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!! stage.
So how can you find your calm, happy place in the middle of it all? And how can you just enjoy some tender, loving moments with your baby and leave the chaos, messiness and exhaustion behind?
One strategy is to ignore all the unpleasant aspects of motherhood and focus on the positives: all the beauty and sweetness of being a mom.
You can do that for a while but chances are the negative feelings will keep coming back. And it might feel kind of fake-- like pasting a happy face on a simmering volcano.
How about facing your feelings head-on? Letting yourself fully feel whatever is bugging you. Feel the frustration. Feel the boredom. Feel the overwhelm. Feel the tiredness in your bones.
Don't worry, you won't be stuck in it forever. Feelings flow. They come and go. Express them if you need to. Share them with a supportive friend.
When you stop pushing away feelings, they will run their course. And what's on the other side?
When you don't resist your feelings, they will naturally subside over time. And then you will find.... PEACE! The beauty, the joy, the love that you've been yearning for will be there.
Feeling peaceful comes when you let go of resistance. When you stop pushing away all those big, messy feelings you've been trying to avoid.
Will you get to stay like that forever? In a peaceful, blissed-out mode, loving every moment of every day?
Nope. This is real life, mamas. Stuff happens, your sh*t gets triggered, the feelings come up again. But you can ride the waves and come out the other side. Again and again and again.
Our culture isn’t used to facing feelings. This might feel scary or unfamiliar. But this is where the beauty of life is mamas!
Humans are wired to feel. And you can’t feel the good without feeling the bad.
Are you ready to feel the beautiful intensity of joy, love, and peace? Then you have to allow yourself to feel the intensity of anger, sadness and disappointment.
You can’t cherry-pick feelings. They come as a package deal.
But know that all feelings are just feelings, they will come and they will go.
They will not define you. Unless you let them.
If you resist your feelings that is when you get stuck in them and (usually unconsciously) they will come out sideways and continue to affect how you feel and how you relate to others.
Feeling truly peaceful cannot be forced, but peace can be found on the other side of “negative” feelings.
Imagine you’re a surfer. Every day with your baby ride the waves of your feelings and feel the highs and the lows. That’s real life, that’s real motherhood.
Peace, mamas ☮☮☮☮
If your feelings aren't flowing easily and you're getting stuck in intense feelings that you don't know how to handle, I can help. Check out Blossoming Mother Counselling's services here.
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Katherine Aucoin, Motherhood Counsellor
Hi Mamas! My name is Katherine and I'm a motherhood counsellor and a mom to two little boys. I'm here to offer tools, insights and support to help you be the best mom you can be for your children AND yourself.