It used to be that everyone decided on their New Year's Resolutions this time of year. Then most people realized that they weren't keeping their resolutions even into February... so now the trend is to set New Year's Intentions.
This is a trend I can get behind and something I've done myself for the last few years. It's not about hitting the gym, or losing weight, or making more money. It's more about your overarching experience of your year to come.
Before having children I took pretty good care of my own needs. When I had free time, I more or less did what I wanted, when I wanted to.
When I had my first child, everything changed. Suddenly, his needs came first- which was a bit of a shock! And people stopped asking how I was doing...it became all about my baby.
Do you feel like you’ve lost yourself now that you’re a mom? Have you given up on most of the things you used to do, let go of what you used to love, and have trouble remembering who you used to be?
Really, really common mamas.
When your focus shifts to being all about your baby, it’s hard to remember who you were.
But it’s still in there, you are still there. You are still you, yet you are transformed.
Photo by Becca Tapert on Unsplash
Do you feel alone as a mother? Are you desperately wanting to have more connection and support in your life, but not sure how to go about getting it?
It’s become the norm that so many moms feel isolated and lonely. This is especially true for new moms on maternity leave who are home alone a lot of the time with their baby.
Maybe your husband/partner is supportive. That’s wonderful! But is something still missing? A yearning for a community of women who really understand the beauty and the struggles of what it means to be a mother.
Do you ever feel alone in your struggles as a mom, like you're the only one treading water through the day?
Are you propping your eyes open with toothpicks because you only had a few hours of sleep last night? Quickly whisking your tantruming toddler out of the grocery store before anyone notices? Sometimes just barely holding on to your sanity as you attempt to make a meal with children hanging off of you? Afraid you’re making a total mess of your children?
Everyone has it SOOO much more together than you... RIGHT?
Did you go into motherhood with expectations?
Maybe you imagined days filled with joy and laughter as you snuggled with your sweet newborn and marveled at how she was growing and changing.
And what you actually got were long days filled with frustration and exhaustion while dealing with a colicky baby who barely slept.
Maybe you imagined you would breastfeed into toddlerhood… but instead you struggled with milk supply and only managed to breastfeed for 4 months.
Are you a new mom feeling resentment towards your husband/partner for not contributing as much as you'd like?
Maybe he's not rolling up his sleeves and being as involved of a daddy as you'd dreamed of, or maybe he’s spending a lot of time away from the house...
So how can you get him to change more diapers, hold baby more often, spend more time at home with you?
It’s so easy to become a martyr mom. Your baby is born and then it’s like you forget about yourself…
Shower? When you can fit it in.
Make-up? What’s that?
Doing the things you used to love that bring you joy. Huh? No longer part of your vocabulary.
Does this sound like you? It’s all too common to focus entirely on your baby and forget you have needs too.
Motherhood. They say that the days are long but the years are short. And you’re supposed to enjoy every darn moment of it.
But what about when you’re right there, right in the middle of it all? And all you want is a few moments of peace?
Once you become a Mother, there’s no turning back.
You’ll never be YOU in quite the same way again. How do you feel about that? Is it sad? Or beautiful? Or just the way it is?
I love the quote by Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh “The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.”.