Many of my clients tell me that relationship issues are a big part of why they are seeking out counselling.
And it makes perfect sense- you now have a little person figuratively (and often literally!) right in between you and your partner.
Anything simmering below the surface in your relationship is likely to come to the forefront after baby comes. You’re both stressed out, emotions are high, you disagree on how to parent your baby and BAM-- you get into a fight.
On top of all the craziness of being a new mom, now you have to find time to mend things with your partner and try to find a way back to the closeness you used to have.
So what can you do to keep the peace and stay on the same team?
Nurturing your relationship is key. When you feel good about each other, the little stuff is likely to bother you less. You’ll have more of a solid connection to weather the storms.
But how on earth are you going to find time for your relationship in the middle of all the craziness of new parenthood?
It doesn’t need to take long. What it does require is a little creativity.
When my first son was a newborn and slept most of the time, my husband and I used to go to our local coffee shop. We’d place the carseat on the floor beside our table and enjoy some adult conversation. It almost felt like a date!
As our son got a little older this was harder to do, so we enlisted the grandparents to babysit while we went out for coffee and even sometimes for dinner.
If you don’t have grandparents readily available, call on a trusted friend or family member who is itching to spend more time with your baby. You know you’ve had more than a few offers for babysitting duty. Take them up on it!
Now it’s so easy to fall into the trap of spending any time you have with your partner discussing dirty diapers and sleep schedules.
It’s really important to make sure you still talk about other things. Don’t forget about yourself, how you’re really feeling, all the things you (used to) enjoy, your connection with your partner.
A simple strategy to have a deeper, more authentic conversation is by taking turns talking. Your partner talks for 10-15 minutes about how they’re REALLY doing while you listen without interrupting, and then you take a turn without being interrupted.
This is a quick and easy but magical way to maintain an amazing connection with your partner even through the roller-coaster ride of new parenthood.
If you need more relationship help, I've got lots of experiencing guiding new moms to experience relationship bliss. Find out more about what I offer or contact me directly.
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Katherine Aucoin, Motherhood Counsellor
Hi Mamas! My name is Katherine and I'm a motherhood counsellor and a mom to two little boys. I'm here to offer tools, insights and support to help you be the best mom you can be for your children AND yourself.